Being a mom is a crazy thang

Sometimes when nobody’s looking you’re your old self. Other times your new self…and sometimes a mixture of both. But ALWAYS and ALL the time giving your 100%. The following isn’t meant to be advice, or a story. This is more of a personal release of a flood of emotions, accumulated during my two years as a new mother. It’s hard, to say the least. Maybe not for everyone, idk maybe some of us are made for it and some of us just aren’t. I was a 28 year old chasing, love, life, adventure, and stalking my career. I fell in love. Two years later I was pregnant. Motherhood turned me upside down and inside out. Not that I was normal to begin with, but this really took me for a ride. I never had much experience with children,  I was petrified at the thought of being responsible for one. I wanted to be the best everything to this child , and at the same time I wanted to realize my own dreams. The result, was both enlightening, and an abrupt crash into reality. As I mentioned before this isn’t advice nor, is it a story with a definite beginning or end. This is just  My thoughts as they come..Anyway…I became a mother. I loved him, and yet he made my life more difficult than anything I had ever endured in all my 28 years. Being his mother meant, all my basic needs such as: sleeping, eating, water, bowel movements, all became SECOND to anything he could want or need.. it takes time to become accustomed to this new way of life, but eventually you do…WITH or WITHOUT society’s approval. Let’s start here, I never felt approval from society on how I was raising my child. It shouldn’t have mattered, but deep down it did.  I was a bad mother if I fed him cookies, I was a bad mother if I didn’t give him any cookies. I was ALWAYS , and still am scrutinized for how I parent my child, and yet, I am the ONLY one who thinks of the short term and long term effects of how I choose to parent my child. This is exhausting, and yet I must remember that everything I do is for my child, and I must continue on, and sometimes that means I must continue on against the grain… I’m 31 and all I know is I want my son to succeed, I want to love him and let him know he is loved, and as his mother give him the courage to pursue anything he desires, even the dreams he believes are too large and hides from himself. For myself, I wish the passion to continue to stalk my dream, and maybe one day achieve it. Second, to be able to demonstrate all my love to my son,  so he can pursue the passion to stalk his own dream…

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