Anxiety and depression

I suffer from anxiety and depression. Some days I don’t feel like being alive (not suicidal). Like I don’t want to have human interactions and would prefer to be under a rock and not have any thoughts in my head. My outward appearance doesn’t typically show what I am feeling on the inside. Mostly I don’t want to feel like I am burdening my loved ones. The thoughts and feelings go away and come back like a track stuck on repeat. I feel better for a while but the same thoughts of being worthless, sad and a failure, and the list goes on, plague me over and over again.

I pride myself in forcing my negative or intrusive thoughts out of my head the moment they come in. The longer I allow them to stay the harder it is to rid them. To me this is part of creating a positive lifestyle for myself.

I was recently told positivity and optimism leads to delusion and that the negativity and pessimism is being a realist. It made me so angry to hear those words. I have realized the difference between them is that one is uplifting, one is facts, the last weighs you down. For the realists that don’t understand – optimism=uplifting reality=facts pessimism=weighs down.

I wont continue this rant because I would like to move on to better things. I am very grateful to my support system they know who they are. Thanks to them I have peace and I am surrounded by love. There are so many new things to look forward to and I will continue to make positivity my lifestyle!

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